Purposeful Parenting

Introduction

It’s a job billions of people have undertaken that affects the future in unimagined ways, shaping the hearts and minds of every human being on the planet. It is a job with profound implications for those who do it as well as those who are the object of it. 

Parenting.

Too often, new parents focus on The Baby—which makes sense, as a baby or new child needs a lot of focus! But there is an entire life that will go on after the immediate, infantile needs are met. Many meet these challenges on the balls of their feet, hoping and praying that they will keep doing the right thing.

They react.

Very few have been formally educated as to the particulars of a proactive parenting style. 

For some, it’s a case of on-the-job training. From birth until basically forever, parenting remains a job that most enter—with all the best beliefs, backgrounds, and hopes—without a plan. An approach. A purpose. The “hows” can be learned from experienced parents that new parents respect. They can also learn from fantastic books that show them that “Whew, this is normal!” Many learn because they were elder siblings in large families and got a lot of on-the-job-training that way.

But the “whys” are not always investigated beforehand. Sometimes, they aren’t considered until later, when regrets have nestled deep within the hearts or life stories of parents and children.

Why should YOU read this?

You should read this because you have to grow, too. As much or more, perhaps, than your children. You have to grow faster than they do, because you’re the one with this job.

“Parents don’t come full bloom at the birth of the first baby. In fact parenting is about growing. It’s about our own growing as much as it is about our children’s growing and that kind of growing happens little by little.” — Fred Rogers ( Mr Rogers Parenting (ed. 2005) – ISBN: 9780762423583)

I do not know who is eventually going to read these words, and that’s a good thing. I don’t know about you, Reader, but I do not appreciate someone telling me how to raise my kids. I am not here to advise parental protection protocols on their internet usage. I’m not here to discuss the pros and cons of colleges versus trade schools versus a straight-to-work after high school experience. I’m not going to propose paths for financial planning. All of these (and many other!) topics do need thought, but they are secondary to the job of parenting. Truly. What you have to do first is to know how to approach the job as a whole. From there, you will make decisions about your children.

I don’t even know your children. I don’t know you. I have no insight into any circumstances for any choices you have or will make. You are the experts when it comes to your children. Your family. Which is as it should be.

Instead, I am here to present an approach to parenting. A purposeful approach to a job that isn’t often thought of until there’s no time to learn anything before you must apply what you know to the imminent situation—however much or little that may be!

If anything in this work does cause you to develop a twinge or something, please understand it’s not personal.

Herein, I hope to give a purposeful approach to this most important job so a parent can be proactive. Have a plan. A purpose. A path to follow, even if they have to reevaluate regularly. 

In Purposeful Parenting, I will present some things to think about that might feel “normal” or “middle of the road” to more experienced folks. I get it. Life throws curveballs, and you can’t always plan for them. Sometimes these are problems, right? 

I plan to address these in a companion piece called Common Sense Contingencies. I will touch on issues such as children with exceptional needs, domestic situations that go off the ideal course, etc. This work will focus on the mainline, middle-of-the-road purposes my readers will be able to learn from.

Over the years, in many places and stages, I’ve been asked for parenting advice. For example, people have expressed surprise that I didn’t fight with my kids over household chores, etc., and how things still got done. 

I have raised children with their own senses of humor, their own political leanings, and their own approaches to how to start their days. This is as it should be. 

And I write a lot. This is a natural format for me to communicate, so here we are. 

We. 

I don’t know who you are, remember. But who am I? 

I’m Sandi Layne, a woman who has been married for over thirty years and a mother for twenty-nine as of this writing. I started purposefully learning why my parents did what they did when I was eight and meeting my baby sister for the first time. I had questions! 

I became a Sunday School teacher, Girl Scout Leader, public school teacher, substitute teacher, and a ministry director for children and youth. I’ve been watching little people grow up for a long time. I’ve also raised—in partnership with my husband, whom I have called “Spousal Unit” forever—two sons into adulthood and we’re all still sane, still share stupid jokes, and still respect one another.

I am a Christian. I put that here because it’s what I feel I need to leave you with, at this point. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and spend time with him regularly. A lot of what I use in having a purpose for my parenting is the result of prayer and reading Scripture. But as I told my mother, I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus until I was a teenager; I had a relationship with my mom first. And she was my first example of parenting.

I hope to show you examples of what I learned and how I put it into purposeful practice.